Pinned toot

Nothing I have to say is interesting enough to pin.

Dad joke 

Do chickens have balls?
No, but they do have peckers.

I was going to post "the duck nips tickled" but...

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I got nipped by one ostrich, two chickens, and several ducks. The duck bites tickled.

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I went to a really cool petting zoo with ostriches and lorikeets and parakeets and goats and stingrays and chickens and miniature donkeys. Got some pics but the ostrich pictures didn't come out

Check out my cool new tat it only cost $0.75 and doesn't look fake at all

"They" tried to con us into learning Esperanto back in the 70s.
I didn't fall for it then, I ain't fallin' for it now

Hey y'all, thu rayhn in Spayhn stayz mayhnlee in thu playnz

I need to enunciate. I'm basically a truck driving version of Eliza Doolittle

Mildly NSFW body fluid mention 

My voice-to-text just changed "spoon" to "sperm". Glad I caught that one.

Y'all have no idea how many Toots and replies get deleted before I can post them.
Me: 🤣🤣🤣 that's terrible/so funny
Also me: yeah, no,,,,,,,

Oh hey, it looks like a little avocado face

Am I mildly allergic to guacamole? Yes.
Am I willing to risk death by guacamole?

I myself have recently received a congratulatory email from an ambassador to United States, so I'm obviously moving up in the world!
He needs me to confirm my banking information so he can send me my monetary "wining" (sic)

My buddy got a message from an older woman who wanted to be his sugar mama. She wanted to sent him $5,000 out of the blue. Of course, before he can receive the $5,000 he has to send a $300 "clearance fee".

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Ahhhh the scammers are using cash app now, they're evolving 🤣

Republicans texting me asking me to vote for a candidate whose main endorsements are Bob Dole and Pat Roberts. 🤦🏼‍♂️
I wouldn't vote for myself if Pat Roberts endorsed me.

Ahhhh 2:55 a.m., prime truck driving hours

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